Trip Report 5 - BHX-FRA-PRG-FRA-BHX + Hilton Prague Old Town

Ah, back in the air again after a longer than usual break, with two nights in Prague on the menu. As usual, I booked the Hilton Old Town for the location and waited and waited for the authorisation for the ticket. Needless to say, by the time it came, we were up to painful fares on the needed flights. Swiss were cheapest, but the thought of double Fokkers and double bus gates at Zürich gave me the heebie-jeebies. So I made a little deal with me paying for a short haul Z fare and claiming for the M fare to give me access to the flight I needed to be on; otherwise it would be double Fokker.

This, of course, meant FRA, the early FRA and the breaking of a personal rule by having a short connect. So it was hand luggage only, using the small rolling case and the laptop bag for the simple reasons of being able to carry two pairs of shoes and have space for fags on the way back.

The Friday was a nearly perfect day for flying, so I switched from my usual aisle to a window for FRA-PRG. Having a nearly record run in a taxi meant I had plenty of time at BHX, so I quickly went through the painless security, bought some bits from Boots and WH Smug and then confident of being fed on the plane, I decided not to go to Pret for Brekkie but to go to the new revamped Servisair lounge for which I was triple qualified (Priority Pass, LH status, Business Class), it still took the 'tard on the desk about 3 minutes to decided if he could let me in or not. Whilst the revamped lounge is quite bright and airy, it still has the same miserable collection of shelf-stable cakes and packets of Quavers masquerading as food.

There was one of those Circusair "moments" over departure, the flight went from "5 mins to boarding", straight to "Departed" causing a small stampede over to the gate, where the staff looked confused and clueless. As usual, there were about 5 staff there, of which only one did the work. Anyway, with a light load, we were soon all boarded and up and away. Business Class was looked after by a charming (and rather woofy) purser, who quickly handed out the drinks and meals to the four of us in J.

Lufthansa has a new modular service concept of which Birmingham flights will be Band 2. The above was served for Breakfast, which looks about right for a Band 2 flight. The fruit salad was mainly apple with some kiwi and grapes, the "cold cuts" was a solitary slice of salami with a nice bit of Shropshire Blue and the croissant was naff. Seconds were offered on hot rolls and on coffees. They even generously gave me a sample of  the Economy offering, which didn't seem very Band 2.

However, i had it as a snack in the afternoon and it was quite tasty and has to be better than the dreaded cheese sandwich, not sure about it as a breakfast concept, I can see the Pret hot baguette still being eaten.

Needless to say, it was a bus gate arrival, I had been hoping for a stand, but it meant a mad chase was on. After the usual faffing around, we went on the usual magical mystery tour of Frankfurt airport before ending up at the B bus gates. From then the sprint was on, I had about 35 minutes to get through security and onto the next flight. Would there be chance for a fag? would there be a chance for a diet coke in the A26 slum lounge?

Luckily, there were no queues at immigration and it was straight to transfer security where I used the Business Class queue, however, it was proceeding at a truly glacial pace, with the little Beamtin operating it, stopping the belt constantly to adjust contents so that Alles in Ordnung and then huffing, fussing and rewinding, so that the whole process took over 10 minutes from joining a queue of 3 people to starting to stomp down the Tunnel of Hate. The Economy queues were moving faster, but had I gone through there I'd have never made the flight.

I ended up, hot, sweaty and slightly dishevelled at the A23 Raucherhütte with about 7 minutes to go before boarding ended, I had half a cancer stick then made it onto the A321 with, I think, the new seating as not quite the last passenger. I eased myself past a Septic into the window seat and relaxed.

FRA-PRG is a short flight of about 40 minutes, most of which I cheerfully gazed out of the window at the view of Hesse, Franconia, the Sudetenland and the approach to Prague. We were severed the Band 1 snack box which bemused the Septics on board who have been brainwashed over the years by their lame excuses for airlines that the elderly cabin crew can't do any service on a flight of less than an hour.

There was a ham roulade with julienne vegetables, a small salad with pine nuts, a mini roll and some brie with currant chutney. The first was fine, but there was something odd lurking beneath it, the salad was lovely, the brie wasn't bad. All in all, pretty good for a 40 minute flight.

Getting off at Prague, it was straight out, straight onto a 100 bus, quick fag break and the B-line metro all the way to the hotel. Less than 45 minutes, 26Kr cost as opposed whatever the average Prague taxi driver feels like. 

My room was ready at the Hilton and I was upgraded to an Executive Plus room, lovely big room with somewhat bathroom but a nice view (a bit noisy at night, but nothing too bad). I decided I just about had time for a real meal, so I nipped around the corner and had a plate of goulash (and a half litre)

The Goulash was very nice, especially with the added chilli and onion and the latkes were superb. I love Prague food, especially when eaten outside on a lovely afternoon.

Anyway, after a busy afternoon, it was just time for a wash and brush up before going out to eat for the evening. A lot of places were crowded and I ended up on somewhere on Hybernská having a decent if unusual pork schnitzel and some very good potato salad and a bottle of very strong dark beer. Afterwards, I went for posh drinkies in Buddha Bar, which was nice for the free prawn crackers, but a bit dark and pricey - nice range of spirits though. With such an early start, the tiredness was showing and it was back to the hotel for some kip.

The next day, sadly, wasn't so nice and sunny, in fact it was a bit grey and cloudy. After having a decent continental brekkie in the lounge (good coffee, good breads, poor sossidge), I met a friend and we went for lunch in the Potrefená Husa again on Hybernská, this is part of a Staropramen chain which looks to produce an upscale modern beerhall experience and succeeds very well. Good menu, nice decor and very good service standards. I was lured into the veal special, with mushroom sauce and gnocchi by the description from the server, washed down, of course, with Staropramen, my friend had an enormous plate of goulash.

Doesn't look a lot, but those gnocchi are very filling. A highly enjoyable meal after which, we went for a wander around the shops and then on a riverboat trip. After all this, I retired back to the hotel and went to the lounge for a cup of coffee and some snacks, as with last time, a nice little selection with the highlight being the rather good cheeseboard.

Having a project to work on, I stayed in that evening and ended up with a room service burger to fill the gap. The Hilton Burger is a variable feast, but the one at the Prague Old Town is truly excellent with good cheese, bacon, ripe tomato and very good chips. 

Anyway, after a nice day and a half in Prague, it was time to get up early and make my way by bus and metro, I did try and check in online, but the Lufthansa website was throwing a wobbler, which isn't unusual. Arriving a little later than I had planned, I swiftly saw all the self-service check-ins out of order and the queue snaking for ages - so I went into the business class queue where boarding passes were swiftly issued on Austrian stock (which is sort of fitting for Prague). Using the fast track security was a joy and then it was off to duty free to obtain fags for me and goodies for the office. I then wandered up to the Crystal Lounge which is operated by Czech Airlines (and used by Lufthansa), it was a bit ummm, sparse.

The seating was as uncomfortable as it was colourful. However, a quick soft drink, a riffle through a French newspaper (Air Chance use the lounge as well) and a rest stop were all welcome as I carefully repacked the bags to full expansion mode. There was a selection of drinks - sadly no beer tap (just canned Gambrinus) and some food in a fridge as well as a selection of nuts, crisps and FarmFoods broken biscuits.

Boarding the Airbus 321 was perfectly on time, although Business Class and Star Golds had to fight their way through people hanging around the gate. Boarding was very efficient for a flight with about 2 spare seats in Economy and 1 empty seat in Business. The crew on this flight were very efficient and had the lunch boxes out very quickly, they even managed to offer drinks 3 times on this short flight.

The introduction card for this - mentioned the dread words molecular gastronomy and the large number of Septics on the flight looked at it all very dubiously. I thought it was all rather splendid, there was a "sambal" prawn mounted on a herb jelly with couscous, a small piece of parma ham, some shaved and delicious cheese, a smidge of the dreaded Kräuterquark and a cherry tomato. There was also a mini chocolate muffin in creme anglaise. For 50 minutes, I thought this was excellent, although from the amount left by most pax, it wasn't a success in general.

On arriving in Frankfurt, it was swiftly through the Tunnel of Hate and immigration and into the Raucherhütte to top up levels. I then decided to head to the B4x Business Lounge rather than the B2x one, there's no real difference, but plenty of space to charge the iPhone and get some more work done. The food selection was, of course, abysmal - it's Mexican month, celebrated by Pickled Pepper salad and yes, a Mexican version of Kräuterquark. I had a piece of apple cake and a Coke Light or two.

I noticed that after a few months of the pleasure of a real gate with an airbridge for the BHX, it was back to the buses and the remote stand half way to Groß-Gerau, where I was surprised to see a BMI Airbus 319 on stand, then I remembered that some BHX's this summer will be Lufthansa flights operated by BMI (who are now owned by Lufthansa). 

We were welcomed on board by the BMI crew who did the usual rounds of newspapers and asked for drinks and food orders. It seems that these flights are not using the LH catering at least at the start and we had a choice of hot meals.

I choose the pasta, which was cheese tortellini in a spicy tomato sauce. There was a small salad with cottage cheese and a lemon panacotta, I had a white wine with it, but it was fairly hideous. The BMI crew were great and I look forward to a few more flights with them over the next few months as they operate the LH.

We landed a bit early and seeing the Emirates 77W land behind us, I made a determined effort to get through immigration and out to the taxi as fast as possible and I made it.

The early FRA

It's a loathsome thing, God wot. 07:10, which means even with hand-luggage having to be there for 6:00am, which means a taxi at some obscene hour.

Good Thing: I'm flying
Bad Thing: I could really do with out it this weekend

Good Thing: It's Prague
Bad Thing: Change at Frankfurt (sorry but FRA is preferable to props via MUC)

Good Thing: Saturday to myself
Bad Thing: 4 hour meeting on arrival

Good Thing: New revamped Shorthaul Business Class
Bad Thing: Short connections at Frankfurt (you'd think I'd learn)

Good Thing: The Hilton Q1 Promotion is still going on
Bad Thing: The room rate

Good Thing: Czech beer
Bad Thing: Can't drink much on my meds without falling asleep

Full report on return.

Trip Report 3 - Part 3 - Lufthansa FRA-BHX

Coming off the very tidy, very modern and exceptionally ugly railway station, it is wise to reprise the rules of Frankfurt.

1. Always follow the signs
2. Don't assume you know where you are going, they have bound to have changed it since you were last here
3. Always check your gate frequently, they'll change it
4. Always follow the signs

The passage from the long-distance station to Terminal 1 isn't quite perfect, at one point you end up going outside for about 10m and I noticed that the snow was still falling, but using my best dungeons and dragons mapping skills I managed to make my way to the check-in on concourse B. Shiny case was despatched to the baggage hold and the check-in lady informed me that the gate had moved from the dungeon of B55 to the slightly better bus gate at B32 and we were 20 minutes late but "Es kann mehr als das, die meisten Flüge sind um eine Stunde verzögert." Hmm, I might just be able to make my meeting, but it will be pushing it - a taxi from BHX will be needed.


B security was fairly vile. They have, I think 10 machines, there - 4 were operating, one for Business, First and Star Gold and 3 for the rest of us. B security has the advantage they you can see outside onto the A/B apron area and it didn't look too good. Security took about 15 minutes to get through, liveable with, but could do better. The process itself was fine, no Nude-O-Scope or groping at FRA.

Anyway, after a quick stop to buy a book and some Weihnachts-Chocolade, I proceed to the Business Lounge down at the B40's. The lounge wardens looked busy and harassed, looking at the board, I could see why, there were still undeparted flights from two and three hours before. Luckily, this is a large lounge and there were still seats available and I plonked myself down for what could be an extended stay. Sadly, the sossidges and soup that can be found were not to be seen and the usual potato salad had been replaced with Honig-Senf Quark (uuuuuugghh) to go with the usual horrid Kräuterquark. There was also some flaccid Green Bean salad. Not feeling like a gummibear binge, I settled for some bread and butter, coffee and water.


Looking out the window, the odd flight was taking off and landing through the snow and the mist, but not usually as busy as Frankfurt is. Also, my flight was slipping first to a 40 minute delay, then an hours delay, at this point I sent an email to give my apologies for the meeting, I wasn't going to make it and I could have flown back through DUS. Grrrr. The gate also changed to B30 and then to B33 (see rule 3).


Finally, the boarding light flashed by the Birmingham flight and we were set to board a mere 1hr 30mins late, except it was the usual bait and switch, having gone to the gate there was no sign of boarding. We had a plane, but our crew, it seems were still at Brussels. I was just about to slope off back to the lounge, but decided to check the gate again after a quick ciggie and found that boarding had started, A different crew had been found.


The bus took us out to the aircraft on a very remote stand fairly quickly, a Boeing 737-300 which was about 80% full. I was pleased to have a vacant middle seat between myself and my seat opponent, it's always nice and today turned out to be quite vital. The captain introduced himself and told us, it would be a short wait for our turn at the de-icers and then we would be off. Hurrah, with flights being cancelled left, right and centre, I was just pleased to be off. 


Unfortunately, it didn't quite work that way. After half an hour, the captain told us that, the de-icers would be another half-hour. After an hour, he said, they would be yet another half hour and the crew did a water and juice run. After an hour and a half, he said "I've been told it will be 20 minutes, but I don't believe them". Gulp. At the two hour mark, the sandwiches were distributed and the bar was unofficially open, the captain came out to talk to passengers and generally have a chat. That vacant middle seat was becoming a great boon. 


As it went onto three hours, an announcement was made that, a bus was coming in ten minutes to take anyone off who no longer wanted to wait. About a dozen people took this option and their bags were unloaded. By this time I was nearly through the book that I had purchased five hours or so previously. By this time, visibility was very low and ominiously we could no longer hear aircraft taking off and landing, personally, I was starting to wonder about the crew going out of hours. Just as we were coming up to four hours, there was a very ominous PA from the captain, the crew would be out of hours in 45 minutes but he'd been told that the system for de-icing had changed and we were next in the queue. We all laughed at that. We also had to be refuelled as the APU had used up so much fuel keeping us warm and with the lights on.


However, it seemed that FRAport had finally woken up to the weather and decided to actually do some sensible things, after about 4 hours and 20 mins on the aircraft, the engines started to a big cheer and we moved forward to be de-iced at the entrance to one of the runways. 10 minutes after that, we finally took off for Birmingham. The captain gunned it somewhat, we did the run in 1hr 10mins (it's usually 1hr 25ish), I suspect he had to make the Birmingham turnaround and get the crew back. We had an official bar service and the last few sandwiches were offered to those who wanted them. We eventually got in just over 6 hours late. Sadly, this was at the same time as the Emirates had landed and immigration was overwhelmed. In addition, UKBA were being politically correct - there were six agents, three for non-EU (about 40 pax) and three for EU/EEA (about 400 pax) - 35 minutes to be grunted at and the passport given  a cursory look. I really ought to sign up for Iris. Luckily, this did mean the bags were off and therefore straight out to the taxi rank, but not for my meeting, but for home.


I like to say that I thought our cabin and flight crew were brilliant. They communicated well, engaged with the passengers and kept us cheery. I'm not so convinced at LH Ops and FRAport, I understand that in bad WX conditions, it's important to have passengers on aircraft ready to go, but the priority was always going to be the longer flights. I think they should have kept us in the terminal for longer until there was a decent chance of getting us out of there.


There you go, another Lufthansa Cont Y trip - the last one of the year, but not the last trip of the year. Watch this space.

Trip Report 3 - Part 1 - Lufthansa BHX-DUS

I didn't get chance to do any posts about different types of aircraft, it's been a busy couple of weeks one way or another. However, I'm on the move again, this time to Köln for a bit of work and a bit of leisure.


After a busy morning at the office, I managed to get a taxi to Birmingham at about 1pm, the driver was a tad late because he assumed I was psychic about the pick-up point. However, the roads were fairly clear and by 1:30pm, I had deposited shiny case at the drop off desk, gotten my fast track security pass and was standing outside in the smoking zone to get freezing cold before making my way through the maze.


This time, despite being only 20 minutes later than last time, there was virtually no-one at security - fast track really wasn't needed. Two machines operating and four people waiting, straight through, no silly business with swabs and no Nude-O-Scopes or Gropes. This meant I had plenty of time to get a copy of The Economist, buy a couple of items from Boots and even get a salad at Pret. As is usual, I didn't bother with the truly dire lounge at BHX.


Boarding was the usual bait and switch, called to the gate ten minutes before they were actually ready. Four staff at the gate, one doing the work, three doing the hindering of the one doing the work with important news about X-Factor. They really do need some better staff, there again, perhaps if they paid a bit better and didn't have horrible split shifts.....


The aircraft was a CRJ-900, I've come to like this type over the last year. I loathe its little brother the CRJ-100/200 as being cramped, noisy and unpleasant, I'll tolerate the CRJ-700 as being better as long as you don't have a window or need to go to the loo, but the CRJ-900 is OK.


We had about 20 minutes waiting for slots and the crew were good enough to tell us we could keep our electronic equipment on. I see a growing number of iPads and Kindles on flights as the year progresses. I'm still not tempted by the iPad, but I'm starting to think about an Kindle.


We took off about 30 minutes late, which doesn't really matter because there's a silly amount of padding in the schedule anyway, although not quite enough in this case as we ended up arriving about 15 minutes late. Service was the usual LH standard, a drink (my choice was water) and a choice of repulsive half sandwiches ("cheese" or "meat not pork" - declined as I'd eaten). The crew were fine, although the one had trowelled on the make-up to a drag queen standard.


As usual, arrival at Düsseldorf was to a bus gate, although at Düsseldorf at least you don't end up half way to Essen. In contrast to my last three trips through DUS, we immediately end up in the baggage area, but went through immigration into the main terminal, which would have been nice on the last three trips to stop me having to re-clear security, but this time wasn't needed.


I had to wait a little while to collect my bag, not a BHX-type wait, but sadly, shiny case was the last one off the belt by which time it was 17:45 and I had 12 minutes to get to the train station via the Sky Train. This is pushing it, it's even more pushing it when the ticket machine isn't accepting coins or non-German Eurocards and there a couple of eejits in front of you trying their card again and again. Mind you, Deutsche Bahn, a better error message might help the feckless. Anyway,  wasn't going to make the 17:57 train by this time.


Little known DUS facts - yes, you do need a ticket to ride on the SkyTrain, yes, you do need to validate it after purchase, yes, they do inspect the tickets on the SkyTrain and yes, the Grippenführer can fine you 50€ if you are caught. 


At this point, it was a choice between the 18:34 Regional Express or going down to the other station (Düsseldorf Flughafen Terminal Bahnhof) and getting the rather slow S-Bahn at 18:12 which would get me in about five mins later than the 18:34 as it goes round the Wrekin. I chose to stick with the Regional Express as it gave me the chance to have a cigarette whilst waiting at a station which can best the described as a larger slightly more desolate version of Bristol Parkway. It arrived on time and was already rammed to the gunnels, so I stood for the 40 minute journey to Köln Hbf. Next time I'll get the S-Bahn, as it starts at DUS, there must be a decent chance of getting a seat.


Luckily, my hotel is less than 5 minutes shiver from the Hauptbahnof and I was able to get to my rubber chicken dinner with a couple of minutes to spare. I probably should have lingered, then I'd have had something decent to eat this evening :-)


Next: Köln, possibly Wuppertal, a nice ICE ride from Köln to Frankfurt and then another boring FRA-BHX leg.

Trip Report 1 - Part 2 - Lufthansa PRG-FRA-BHX

I proceeded to Prague Airport by bus, there being a direct service from just outside the hotel at a reasonable rate. More like a minivan than a bus, but ran every 30 minutes and didn't wave the Jolly Roger like most Prague taxis do.

The Schengen terminal is smart and modern and Lufthansa have quite a large check-in area. Fortunately, they have the auto check-in machines, unfortunately, they have staff to assist you how to use them. It's quite easy, I just walk up, put in shiny card and it spits out boarding passes. However, obviously, I didn't know how to use them and the staff attempted to assist, a 90 second job (now LH have fixed connection printing) turned into a five minute job. I then went to drop my bag, but there was an attempt to get me to join the rather large queue for the Business Class check-in rather than the very short one for Economy. "But you are entitled" was the plaintive cry. Whilst in the short Economy queue, I get asked if I want to join Miles and More, I smile and show her my card, "but do you want to join Miles and More", seems my card should be Blue not Silver.

Anyway, the rest of check-in was easy, a nice young man checked the Shiny Case through to BHX, I managed to get through security carefully avoiding the Kettleovs and Kettleova's in the one queue and went through into a bland but spacious and modern terminal. I swiftly bought choccies for work, fags for me and a fridge magnet for the fridge door (there might be some space on it). I then thought I'd spend my handful of change on a couple of final beers. Now a beer in Prague during the weekend had been between 19Kr and 40Kr, not at Prague Airport - it's 120Kr - a great big honking rip-off even by airport standards. I decided to save my shrapnel for another trip.

The short hop to Bankfurt was again on an Airbus 321, again, the aircraft was fairly full with a full 11 rows of business class - mainly occupied by a US basketball team and Chinese tourist group. We left a greyish PRG on time, we were proffered the "meat not pork" sandwich (I declined, partly because I've never had an explanation of what it actually is in there) anyway, a glass of water would suffice nicely for the hop. The grayish Prague weather had cleared on landing at Frankfurt and there were magnificent views of the skyscrapers of Mainhattan from the windows.

Needless to say there was an A-B transit involved,  however, FRA isn't spectacularly busy in the afternoon's and I had plenty of time to spare. A quick walk and very swift transit through Immigration to go non-Schengen, saw me with about an hour to kill before the BHX. I did think about doing some watch shopping, but I decided against it and went to the B4x lounge.

Now, the B non-Schengen lounges are quite roomy compared to the A26 slum and on an Monday afternoon, they are fairly empty. It's recently been done up, with best quality Politburo seating and some nice new flat screen panel TV's. There's even a pleasant looking terrace which if they thought about it they could open to smokers (or have a smoking room as per DUS, TXL, HAM).

The buffer had just been replenished (as opposed to the crumbs usually found at A26) and had a Bavarian theme to it. I had originally thought about a slice of plum cake, but I noticed something labelled as Obzada. , I quickly grabbed a scoop of that, some red onions (what, no radish?) and a Brez'n. It wasn't bad, although it wasn't up to the quality of the Obzada I usually get at the Viktuallenmarkt in Munich. It was accompanied by some sparkling water - Beck's rarely appeals to me and if it was Bavarian week, why not get some decent Helles in.

To my delight, I found that the BHX was going from an ordinary gate with a jet-bridge and not one of Frankfurts horrid little dungeons with an additional security check and a nice bus ride to your aircraft parked somewhere near Giessen. As is getting to be more and more common on the Birmingham services - we were on an Boeing 737-300. We boarded on time with the Daily Hate and the Daily Torygraph available to take as English newspapers (what a choice, eh)  - I had wickedly purloined a FAZ (Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung) from the lounge.

We were fairly full but not chocka and there were just two of us in the row, which makes things a little more comfy. Whilst we boarded on time, we did have to wait in a bit of queue for take off, but were quickly travelling towards Birmingham carefully avoiding Belgian air space (on strike again). Service was fairly quick with the dubious cheese roll on offer this time

I took a tomato juice (no vodka in Euro Economy on LH) and a black coffee to go with it. I have a theory that tomato juice always tastes at its best on an aircraft and I do like to use a little of the Pepper LH provide to go with it. After about an hour and 20 mins, we arrived at Birmingham and were quickly disgorged at the gate. Immigration had quite a queue, although 95% were EU citizens, so it all went quite quickly. Waiting for the bags, of course, wasn't quite so quick. BHX prides itself of being able to get all bags off a 737 in 45 minutes - they even put this on a poster. Personally, I think they should be ashamed myself, it may be fast compared to say Heathrow, but compared to say Singapore Changi (where I have yet to beat my bags to the belt) it's awful.

So there we go, a standard trip in LH Kont Y. The next one is in a couple of weeks, when I shall be doing my voucher trip to NUE, so I may well witter in a few days about luggage.

Trip Report 1 - Part 1 - Lufthansa BHX-FRA-PRG

So it's off to lovely Prague for a couple of meetings and some picture taking and beer sampling.


The trip was booked back in March before I raised my FRA premium to £100. Yes, I will pay £100 to avoid FRA and use DUS or MUC instead (Swiss is right out for this one, a double dose of Helvetic is more than I can bear).


BHX was swarmed, so I'm quite glad that I have priority security access, although the dirty looks you get for queue jumping are huge. An acquaintance was doing security, so we traded some banter.


As seems to be more and more common these days, we were late leaving BHX, this time they had us wait at the gate before herding us on the 737-300. The official excuse was weather, I just blame FRA. The 737's are starting to show their age and I understand they are getting a bit of a facelift to get them to last to 2020 as well as getting the not fully revealed Neue Europakabine which will cram in a couple more seat rows and provide an "enhanced" meal service. Enhanced is not a good word in airline speak.


However, to be fair, they have actually improved the food a bit, you now get two cheese sandwiches one of "cheddar" on white and one of "filthy Quark with green bits" on brown. Manchester and Heathrow get a choccy bar as well, but I really don't need one of those.

Added this your choice of beverage, and if you ask nicely you can get hot and cold. I chose black coffee which I forgot to get sugar for (I don't normally take sugar in my coffee but its needed with most airline coffees).

We had a good crew with an old school perfectly coiffed purser, LH crews can be a bit sloppy sometimes, but not to the extent of late, lamented BA Regional dinnerladies :-) Two rounds were made for drinks on the 90 minute flight,although this was probably aided by the approx 60% load. We got into FRA about 30 minutes late to, you guessed it, a bus remote stand.


To be far, we were only about a third of the way to Mainz and got delivered to the terminal in about 8 minutes despite the rather strange route which had us to a complete circle past the bus gates drop off (because we would have been facing the wrong way  - ist nicht moeglicht). Immigration didn't even bother to scan passports today, probably, thinking "Oh God, not him again", so it was quickly through to the transit security. 


The signs have changed and all pax for A are now directed to the small security at the bottom of the elevator. I chose to join the queue rather than go around to the other one, it took 8 minutes to do 8 people, mainly because they had the metal detectors on "fry" and about 50% of pax needed wanding. 


My gate was A17, so not too bad and I found my way through the Tunnel of Love to the A26 slum (Lufthansa Business Lounge) fairly quickly. The lounge wardens now scan your card and boarding pass before allowing you into the Gummibear motherlode. It was marginally better than last time I passed through, the "sports lounge" had increased the amount of room - albeit in a 80's DDR cafeteria sort of way and there were actually a couple of spare seats - once you had prised peoples bags off them. Also for the first time in my visits here, there were wurst, agreed turkey wiener wurst, rather than the real thing, but two of those with some sweet mustard and fried onions meant no cheese grenade on the next flight, so that's not a bad thing.


Anyway, after a 20 minute announced delay, they said they were boarding for Prague. After a quick stop at one of the unpleasant Raucherhuetten, I found out they were lying, the plane wasn't even at the gate. I couldn't cope with more A26, so I went and had a decent expresso instead. Eventually, we were called on a 100% full Airbus 321, although I did get a halfway decent seat. Most of the 45 minute flight appeared to be taxiing to a runway somewhere near Wiesbaden, although it would have had my flatmate in orgasm mode at the large number of DC-10's and MD-11's in the freight area.


The legroom was fairly OK in these seats as this photo shows, but remember I am 184cm and, cough, generously proportioned.

Despite the 45 minute flight time, we got a full beverage round and the offer of a different sort of cheese sandwich! I took a sparkling water and passed on the food. It was a heavy landing at PRG, but the bags arrived on the belt very quickly although yours truly was looking for his old bag not the very shiny new bag for the first five minutes.


One only mildly piratical taxi ride later (by Prague standards), I was at the hotel, I suppose I should do some work now.


Some Prague piccies and thoughts in a couple of days.

Why "I hate FRA"

It's not the City, it's the Airport.


Frankfurt am Main itself is fine, not my first choice of destination, but it has its charms and merits. It's also quite expensive as you'd expect from a world financial capital. It has good museums and the annual Museumsuferfest is well worth a visit. I'm eagerly awaiting the next Wolkenkratzer Festival in 2013 as well for a chance to gain admittance to some of its main skyscrapers. It would be an excellent place to explore the surrounding areas from as it has very good public transport, but I have yet to find a satisfactory hotel there. Good wurst stands on the street though.


The airport however, is hell on earth. Well, a minor league hell on earth, there are worse out their - LYS (Lyon Saint-Exupéry) for instance is truly squalid. LAX (Los Angeles International) is a disgrace as a major international airport and the late, unlamented LHR Terminal 2 (Londump Heathrow) looked like it belonged in a bankrupt Third World country.


FRA however is a deeply unsatisfactory place, as a Lufthansa Frequent Flyer I spent quite a bit of time and money trying to avoid the damn place. We are lucky enough in Birmingham to have LH also fly to their hubs at MUC (Flughafen München-Franz Josef Strauß)  or DUS (Flughafen Düsseldorf International). I'll happily pay a £50 premium to avoid FRA and use one of those two. There are a couple of other options, but I'll explore why those are similarly undesirable in a later blogpost.


So what's so wrong with FRA. As an Origination and Destination Airport it's not brilliant, but it's not mindbendingly awful, it's the horrors of connecting there that make it my number one place to avoid in Europe. It could do with better food and drink options, but at least the ones that are there aren't atrociously expensive (just expensive). Terminal 1 is a bit of a building site and has been for the last couple of years, but apart from the signage and a general fugly feeling in some places, that can be lived with. It obviously has the nearly incomparable First Class Terminal with probably the best ground service in the world, but I'm not likely to see the inside of that for a couple of years and some of the other airline lounges are dire. The A26 "Business Lounge" frankly is best described as a slum.


It's connecting that makes FRA so horrid, especially non-Schengen to Schengen which is what most of my connections are. You arrive at a remote stand or if they feel like teasing you at a gate. You get off the aircraft and are faced with a bus even if you are at a gate. The bus then takes you on a magical mystery tour of Frankfurt airport to end up at the B50-B54 bus gates - this can take up to 15 minutes. Even if you are on another gate you still get the bus because all UK passengers must end up at the B50-B54 bus gates. This gate area is particularly vile, although I understand the B60-2 gates are even worse. For instance, there are no toilets in this dark and dingy area. If you ask why you get this, you are told it's an EU regulation, what they fail to tell you is because FRAport can't be arsed to provide the correct facilities is that they are interpreting the regulation as to just dump you in with all the other non-Schengen passengers and make you re-clear security when you don't need to.


You then get forced up a narrow escalator/stairway into the main non-Schengen area, this didn't used to be the case, but they've installed some new passageways (for the moment) which makes it a nasty and unpleasant crush.


Next comes immigration, which to be honest as an EU citizen is a breeze, you rarely queue for more than two minutes and it's a fairly cursor scan of the passport. The officers are polite and quite friendly - one or two of them are fairly cute as well.  There's something about a man in a uniform... Obviously, if you are connecting to non-Schengen, then you don't need to go through immigration here although if you are going to A non-Schengen, the Skytrain awaits. Post immigration there is a small row of Raucherhuetten (smoking cabins) for those of use who partake of the evil weed (and it's much need to fortify yourself for the next bit).


Then, if you are going leaving the airport, it's a breeze, however, if it's a connection, this is where the fun starts. I'm usually departing onwards for Schengen and I'm going from the A gates. Now the A concourse is some distance from the B concourse and they are connected by either the Skytrain or the "Tunnel of Love", but first you have to go through security. Now this security check is just inept, you can either go through the incredibly slow queues by immigration or follow the signs which lead you to the larger transit security. If there's more than about 10 people waiting at the small transit, go to the larger one.


There is the usual massive snake, which far bigger than it needs to be, but skipping under the barriers to avoid three or four empty lanes of the snake is strictly Verboten and will cause an epidemic of Vogon shouting. Be warned, whilst FRA isn't a shoe carnival airport, the magnetometers are set to fry and I suspect even your fillings will set it off. You will then be frisked. In general the security staff speak little English and in some cases their German is pretty ropey as well. They also like your wallet and travel documents in the bins to go through the X-ray, I don't like this, but it's their rules. Security will take 5-15 minutes depending on your arrival time in my experience.


Now you are free to make your way to the gate and get your next flight, but you probably have the Tunnel of Love to transit. It's a long underground passageway with blue lighting and lots of travelators. At each end there are lifts up and down to it, they are pretty slow. It's full of people running through it who realise that they have already wasted 20-30 minutes of their connecting time and have maybe 10-20 minutes to get to their connecting flight (Minimum connecting time at FRA is 45 minutes, this is really pushing it and is not recommended). If you walk on the travellators, you'll find it takes about 5 minutes to transit the Tunnel of Love. I hate the Tunnel of Love, expand the bloody Skytrain FRAport.


You emerge about 25% of the way up the A-concourse. If your next gate is in the A1-A20 range you've pretty much made it. If it's A40-something, you've got about 500m  to walk yet.  If you have time and access, there's a full range of overcrowded and unkempt Lufthansa lounges by A26. The Illy coffee stand down by the A30's is, however, pretty decent.


The main art at FRA is to follow the signs, whilst sometimes a little confusing, they are generally correct and as FRA will have changed its layout between any two visits more than a month apart it's not worth trying to work out neat little shortcuts or optimum routes. The only problem with this is access to some of the C-concourse gates where the wrong turn can mean you end up having to go through security twice.


Let's be honest, this isn't a wonderful experience. Most other European airports are much easier to connect at - inter-terminal transfers at Heathrow are no fun at all and I get badly lost at Charles de Gaulle (as does my baggage). However, virtually everywhere else in Europe is a breeze compared to FRA.


Of course, my next two sets of flights involve connecting at FRA.